·        How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

·        Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

·        Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

·        Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

·        Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

·        Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk?

·        The light went out, but where to?

·        Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

·        Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra?

·        Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

·        Why is the alphabet in that order?

·        If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

·        If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

·        What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

·        If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?

·        Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

·        When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

·        Do fish get cramps after eating?

·        How come abbreviated is such a long word?

·        Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

·        If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

·        Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

·        Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

·        If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

·        When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

·        Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a-door?

·        Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

·        How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

·        Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?

·        If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

·        Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

·        How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

·        Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

·        Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

·        Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

·        Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

·        Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

·        Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

·        Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

·        What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

·        Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

·        If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

·        Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

·        Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

·        Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

·        I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

·        If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

·        Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?

·        Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

·        Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

·        Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

·        War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

·        If you throw a cat out the window, is it considered kitty litter?

·        If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

·        Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?

·        If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

·        If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

·        If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

·        Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?

·        Is there another word for synonym?

·        Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

·        When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

·        When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

·        Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

·        Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

·        Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

·        Why do they report power outages on TV?

·        What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

·        Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

·        Is it possible to be totally partial?

·        What's another word for thesaurus?

·        If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON. how do they make it stick to the pan?

·        If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

·        Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

·        Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

·        If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day. 365 days a year. why are there locks on the doors?

·        If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

·        If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

·        If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

·        When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

·        If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

·        Why is the word abbreviation so long?

·        When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

·        If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

·        Can a fat person go skinny dipping?

·        Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

·        Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

·        Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

·        Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

·        Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

·        Have you ever imagined a world with out hypothetical situations?

·        How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?

·        If a cow laughed. would milk come out her nose?

·        If your in a vehicle going the speed of light. what happens when you turn on the headlights?

·        Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

·        Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment. but when you transport something by ship. its cargo?

·        You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes. Why don’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

·        Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address. you turn down the volume on the radio?

·        How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

·        Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

·        Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

·        Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

·        Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

·        Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk?

·        The light went out, but where to?

·        Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

·        Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra?

·        Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

·        Why is the alphabet in that order?

·        If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

·        If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

·        What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

·        If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?

·        Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

·        When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

·        Do fish get cramps after eating?

·        How come abbreviated is such a long word?

·        Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

·        If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

·        Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

·        Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

·        If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

·        When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

·        Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a-door?

·        Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

·        How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

·        Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?

·        If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

·        Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

·        How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

·        Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

·        Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

·        Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

·        Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

·        Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

·        Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

·        Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

·        What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

·        Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

·        If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

·        Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

·        Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

·        Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

·        I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

·        If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

·        Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?

·        Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

·        Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

·        Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

·        War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

·        If you throw a cat out the window, is it considered kitty litter?

·        If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

·        Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?

·        If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

·        If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

·        If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

·        Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?

·        Is there another word for synonym?

·        Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

·        When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

·        When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

·        Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

·        Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

·        Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

·        Why do they report power outages on TV?

·        What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

·        Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

·        Is it possible to be totally partial?

·        What's another word for thesaurus?

·        If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON. how do they make it stick to the pan?

·        If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

·        Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

·        Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

·        If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day. 365 days a year. why are there locks on the doors?

·        If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

·        If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

·        If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

·        When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

·        If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

·        Why is the word abbreviation so long?

·        When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

·        If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

·        Can a fat person go skinny dipping?

·        Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

·        Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

·        Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

·        Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

·        Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

·        Have you ever imagined a world with out hypothetical situations?

·        How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?

·        If a cow laughed. would milk come out her nose?

·        If your in a vehicle going the speed of light. what happens when you turn on the headlights?

·        Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

·        Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment. but when you transport something by ship. its cargo?

·        You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes. Why don’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

·        Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address. you turn down the volume on the radio?